Do you know the situation when you know what you need / want to do, and even know how to do it, but you don’t do it?

At the logical level, everything seems simple and understandable – there is a goal / task, there is an understanding (even at least approximate) how to do it, but for some reason you don’t do it. Of course, there are logical and reasonable excuses – “no time”, but you feel that this is not so.So, how do you find your inner barrier and remove it?

Of course, the fastest way is a coaching session. Together we can see what is usually invisible.

If you want to try to do it yourself, then start with the following steps. Of course, this will not give such a deep study as in a coaching session, but it will help you at least see the outlines of your barrier.

Step 1. Make sure the barrier is really there.

Check if you really need to do what you decide to do. Perhaps what seems like a barrier to you is actually a lack of motivation. Lack of answer to the question “Why?”

Why do you need to achieve this goal / solve this problem? For what?- How does this goal / objective align with the rest of the goals?— What values ​​are manifested in this goal/objective?— For the sake of what more is it worth achieving this goal/completing this task?

If you have the answers to these questions and you know exactly why you need to achieve / do, then proceed to the next steps. You don’t have to go through all of them – if you found your barrier in step 2, you don’t have to go further.

Step 2. What am I afraid of?

Fear is the most common barrier. Most often we are afraid:- failures- condemnationLess often – responsibility.

There can be a lot behind every fear, but at the heart of any fear will be:- either attitude towards myself (I’m afraid that if I don’t reach the goal, I’ll lose self-esteem; I’m afraid to meet myself unsuccessful; I’m afraid to see myself as a failure)- or how we will look in the eyes of others (here we are controlled by an instinctive fear of “condemned-expelled from the tribe-die of starvation.” Of course, we do not think so, but instinctively it is inherent in us).

And most often, the internal barrier also consists of the fear of being disappointed in oneself and being condemned, rejected.

To clarify your fears, ask yourself:— What am I afraid of in this goal/task?What kind of self am I afraid to meet?

Step 3. What do I believe?

This is the level of belief. Their most striking and familiar manifestation is perfectionism. But usually, in addition to perfectionism, each of us has enough beliefs that create a powerful internal barrier.

For example, in addition to the “Perfectionism” set of beliefs, I personally also have the “Learned Helplessness” package. Of course, within the framework of the article, I cannot consider in detail how to find and work them out. But what you can do right now is ask yourself:

Do I believe that I can achieve this goal/complete this task?

You can also explore your expectations of yourself:- What should I be, achieving this goal / solving this problem?

Also observe yourself at the moments when you decide to act – what thoughts and feelings arise (ideally – write them down). This will allow you to see the full picture of what is happening inside, what exactly is blocking you.

Step 4. Internal conflict

Each of us has subpersonalities. The simplest and most understandable division is: Adult, Parent and Child. And when one part wants to achieve the goal, and the other one slows down, an internal conflict arises, which creates an invisible barrier.

Ask yourself:— Whose goal/task is this?What do I know about the self that wants to achieve this goal / solve this problem? Why is this goal/task important to her?“What does that part of me want to protect me from that doesn’t let me move forward?”

At this stage, it is very important to maintain the position of the observer from above or from the side, without merging with each part. Such a position will not only help to see the internal motives, but also suggest a solution to this conflict.

In my experience, the Adult position helps resolve internal conflict (which is why I created the Being an Adult workbook to help my clients).

So, I have named the most common (in my personal and professional experience) causes of an internal barrier. I hope my experience and questions have helped you find your barrier. If not, then it may be that your inner barrier lies in some other plane, or psychological protection is triggered and does not allow you to see it.

What to do when you find your barrier?Ideally, work it out with a specialist (coach or psychologist). If there is no such possibility yet, then, in any case, you have already done a great and important job – you have seen the barrier. And now, with the help of awareness and attentiveness to your feelings and thoughts, you can work with it.

Now you do not run into an invisible wall – you already see it, which means you can disassemble it – brick by brick. If it’s fear, then deal with it. If this is a self-image / expectations from yourself, then you are working on a relationship with yourself.